My little sister is getting married before me.

Yes.

You read that correctly.

My LITTLE, BABY sister is getting married before me.

She is marrying the man of her dreams. He and I have a love/hate relationship-I treat him exactly like I treat my actual brothers. They met in high school and I knew from the moment they started dating, he would be the man my sister married. I could not be more happy he is the one my sister is going to spend the rest of her life with.
He (Kent) proposed to her on top of the Rockefeller center in New York City. Actually, funny story: my parents took me to NYC for my 21st birthday along with my boyfriend, Beth (my sister) and Kent. It was an incredible trip. Both Beth and Kent had been before so they loved visiting places they have already been and reminiscing on their Senior Trip from a few years back. Anyway, we went to the Rockefeller Center on February 13th and Kent proposed to Beth while the sun was setting. It was a perfect moment.

I was completely floored! I think Beth knew more about the proposal than I did! I always had a feeling Beth would get married before me. I was always okay with the thought of her getting married before me until she got engaged. Although I was so entirely excited for her (and for myself because I get to plan a wedding),  there was also one other thought spiraling throughout my head.

You could guess the emotion: jealousy.

At  barely 20 years old, my sister will already have her OWN house and a husband. At 21, I am still living at home, trying my best to finish school. Everybody dreams of that moment of moving away and starting their own life with their soul mate. I could not believe Beth would get to experience that before me.

When I tell people my little sister is getting married, most of the time their responses are:

-“How old are you? Only 21?! How old is she?!”
-“Oh, she is way too young to get married.”
-“Well, good luck to them; they are going to need it getting married so young.”
-“You’re little sister is getting married before you? That must suck.”

I promise. I have heard it all.

The more I heard them, though, the more mad I got. The less jealous I got.
Their life is not my sister’s life. 
My life is not her life.

I rest in this:

God has a plan for my life.

God has a plan for her life.

The more negativity I heard, the more I realized that I cannot rush God. When God is ready for me to get married, then I will get married. Why are people so shocked when people younger than me get married before me? Is there a certain time I HAVE to be married? No.

The more negativity I heard, the more I realized how ready my little, baby sister is for marriage. My sister is more ready for marriage than some 25 year olds or 30 year olds or even 40 year olds! And you know what? That is perfectly okay. God has prepared her heart and Kent’s hearts for each other.

The Lord sings this over me:
My dear daughter. You are enough. As long as you are following the dream I have for you and spreading the message I have sent for you to tell others, you are right where you are suppose to be. Do not let others bring you down. Just be patient. Trust me.

One day, God will allow me to get married, but until then, I will wait.

P.s.Kent, since you proposed to Beth on my birthday trip, maybe my boyfriend will propose to me on your wedding day or at your graduation ceremony at Auburn or at the birth of your first child. 🙂

When my dreams were shattered.

There is something all people have in common: we all have a dream. We all expect and hope for the greatest. We all grew up watching movies that told us we should have a dream and never let go of it.

-A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep…-Cinderella
-‘Cause way down deep inside we’ve got a dream!…-Tangled
-Every dream that you dream will come true…-Peter Pan

I loved those movies, and to be completely honest: I still do. I love the optimism of fairy tale movies. Having a dream is necessary. Without having a dream, what are you living for? No one wants to accomplish nothing in their life-at least I hope not. Everyone feels this deep sense of knowing there is something out there for them to achieve.

Some people dream to be astronauts, famous singers or race car drivers.

Other people dream of being a mother, a doctor or teacher.

Growing up, I wanted all of that. I wanted to be successful. I wanted people to remember me for being great. That was my dream.

But one day, my dreams were shattered.

My dreams were shattered when I walked up to a feeding center in Romania and saw children without shoes. My dreams were shattered when I heard about children walking miles just to receive ONE meal. My dreams were shattered when I walked into an orphanage that housed 100 abandoned orphans.

My dreams were shattered because my dreams no longer mattered.

What now matters in my life is the Lord’s dream for me. The Lord led me in a completely different direction than were I thought I wanted to go. Although my old dreams were shattered, the Lord replaced my dreams with HIS.

Because I want to live the dream the Lord has given me, I do not need to worry. I do not have to get upset that I may not achieve my dream. I know the Lord has given me His dream to accomplish.

It is a great and wonderful thing to have dreams; but does it even matter if God does not approve? No. When I went to Romania, my life was flipped up side down. When I got back, I felt wrecked. I was so focused on myself and what I wanted out of my life, that I was in complete turmoil when I realized I was not doing what the Lord wanted me to be doing.

I think back to a book I once read: Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis. Within the first few pages, Katie confesses to her readers that she quit her life.
Now I know to most people that sounds like a suicide note, but it is far from it. The Bible says that we are suppose to turn away from all the things our flesh desires. (“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”-Galatians 5:24). To Katie, her flesh desired her boyfriend, friends and college, but God had a different plan for her. She realized that God’s desires were bigger and mightier than her desires. This is why she said that she quit her life. She began living the life Jesus wanted her to live. Soon, His desires turned into her desires; funny how things work, isn’t it?

So, my friend, let the Lord instill a great and mighty dream for you. After all, His dreams are exceedingly more powerful than dreams you could ever imagine dreaming for yourself.

When I saw hope.

I just got back from a mission trip to Guatemala. Although this was my third international mission trip, Lord showed me something different than ever before. 

On my first trip, I realized the mission field is where I am called to be. I realized it is my passion. 

My second trip confirmed my feelings. God has bestowed the wonderful gift of longing to leave my comfort zone to show someone else how God’s grace and amazing works are alive and thriving all around us.

My third trip (Guatemala) gave me a difference perspective. 

I went with a pretty big group. I was kinda weary on going with a big group because I’ve only been with small groups or individually. Once we got to Zacapa, though, the groups felt more like family. It didn’t feel like there was a small army of US Americans. This was also my first international trip going with a group of high schoolers. I’m not gonna lie, I felt a little old. I was the oldest college student that went on the trip.

I wanted to know how the trip would effect the teenagers. I didn’t know if they would want to just play around, go site seeing or complain about not having wifi. I was blown away by the fact I saw and heard very little of any of those things!

The first two trips, I experienced the feeling of passion. This trip, though, I got to see many high schoolers experience passion! I saw them realize the Lord has a huge plan and a mighty destination for them. I saw them hug and kiss on the faces of the dirty, sweaty and smelly children of the small village. I saw their smiles drop when we went to visit the families living in a dump [thats right-an actual dump where people take their trash and throw it out!] I saw them speak to men and women who are usually looked down upon. I saw them look past the language barrier and create a sense of clear communication. I saw them sacrifice there free time to spend with elders, special needs patients, orphans and babies in the hospital.

When we were leaving, I saw them cry and wave goodbye to the people they created relationships with. When I looked at them, I saw passion. I saw the love of Christ seeping out of them onto the country of Guatemala. When they prayed of peace and protection amongst the people of the villages we visited, I saw them weep, begging the Lord to provide. 

In the gospels, Jesus tells the people to have faith like children. Too many adults looked down upon teenagers and young adults saying they are bringing disgrace to the Lord. I am here to tell them they are wrong. On the trip I saw FAITH like children coming from the younger generation. I am here to tell you there is hope and the Lord has given this generation the privilege of being the messengers.

I remember experiencing my passion for others on the first trip I went on. No feeling can replace that. I am so excited so many more young adults have joined me in yearning to show others the Lord is passionate for them and has their journey chosen for them.